1. Because true intellectuals can use proper grammar.
2. Because I can’t tell how much of this is a lie and how much is the truth.
3. Because Asa smokes kittens.
4. Because I have no idea what’s going on in this bio.
5. Or this one.
6. Because Shane makes unnecessary acronyms.
7. Because I don’t use people for their Costco memberships.
8. Because Sean’s a player.
9. Because I’m not hipster enough for a guy who’s probably equally mainstream.
10. Because I don’t have the slightest idea how to say his name.
11. Because Jordan loves his sport so much that he keeps it a secret.
12. Because I’m not an acolyte.
13. Because A-roll is having an identity crisis.
14. Because this is what James is doing with his Cornell education.
15. Because I like pizza.
16. Because I love oatmeal raisin cookies.
17. Because no.
For more Tinder posts, check out 15 Guys You’ll Meet on Tinder and The Boys of Tinder. Or read about the time my Tinder date pulled out a gun.